THE CLOUDS OF DEPRESSION
I hate depression. They say that statistically, one in four people will undergo a state of clinical depression (what Troy referred to as bio-chemical or physiological depression) before they are forty years old. That means that very likely, a quarter of the people who came to Journey this past Sunday have been, currently are or will at some point be depressed. I hate depression because it is a liar of a condition. People who are depressed hear the voice of depression telling them who they are and what they deserve. And the things that that voice tells them are lies; "There is no hope," "You are worthless," "You are totally alone." It is a voice of shame, guilt, fear and despair.
In my own life, I was clinically depressed for four and a half years. Most of that time I was taking a minimum of two pills a day, just so that my body could tell my mind that I was normal. The worst part of that entire time was the feeling that there was no escape. Depression is like being lost in a black cloud. You see no daylight and have no sense that you are even walking in the right direction to find it. You feel alone; many people see you either as a charity case or a faker, neither of which are helpful attitudes. During those years, I was close to giving up many times. A few times, I tried to.
I am not writing these things because I want pity or attention, but I know that God has given me a unique story, and it is my obligation and burden to share that story with others who need to know that they aren't the only ones dealing with this. Those were the worst times of my life. But now, standing from where I am today, I wouldn't trade those experiences for happier ones, even if I was given the choice. You might call me crazy or even insensitive, if you are struggling with depression right now, but it's true; I wouldn't want to miss out on who I've become. See, I needed to know hurt so that God could show me healing. I needed to feel despair so that I would know what it is to hope. Writing about his experience in prison, Malcolm X wrote, "It is only after the deepest darkness that the brightest light can shine." I needed to know depression so that God could give me joy. I needed to know joy, because I need to share the joy of Christ with a world that desperately needs it. There is a joy hat runs deeper than the hurt and stronger than the wounds. I'm not saying that you should just endure the pain because what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. I don't want to oversimplify an extremely complex issue. There are no easy answers. Believe me, I've been there. It took me four years to get to the place where I could say that I was really healed. Even today, I am still affected by depression. I won't say that there is an easy way out. But I will say this: there is a way out. Please, don't give up. You are beautiful, you are loved. You are going to go on to be bigger and stronger than you could ever dream possible right now. I've walked that path, believe me when I say that depression is a liar. Find the true voices and never let go of them. Don't give up. You will one day be more.
In my own life, I was clinically depressed for four and a half years. Most of that time I was taking a minimum of two pills a day, just so that my body could tell my mind that I was normal. The worst part of that entire time was the feeling that there was no escape. Depression is like being lost in a black cloud. You see no daylight and have no sense that you are even walking in the right direction to find it. You feel alone; many people see you either as a charity case or a faker, neither of which are helpful attitudes. During those years, I was close to giving up many times. A few times, I tried to.
I am not writing these things because I want pity or attention, but I know that God has given me a unique story, and it is my obligation and burden to share that story with others who need to know that they aren't the only ones dealing with this. Those were the worst times of my life. But now, standing from where I am today, I wouldn't trade those experiences for happier ones, even if I was given the choice. You might call me crazy or even insensitive, if you are struggling with depression right now, but it's true; I wouldn't want to miss out on who I've become. See, I needed to know hurt so that God could show me healing. I needed to feel despair so that I would know what it is to hope. Writing about his experience in prison, Malcolm X wrote, "It is only after the deepest darkness that the brightest light can shine." I needed to know depression so that God could give me joy. I needed to know joy, because I need to share the joy of Christ with a world that desperately needs it. There is a joy hat runs deeper than the hurt and stronger than the wounds. I'm not saying that you should just endure the pain because what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. I don't want to oversimplify an extremely complex issue. There are no easy answers. Believe me, I've been there. It took me four years to get to the place where I could say that I was really healed. Even today, I am still affected by depression. I won't say that there is an easy way out. But I will say this: there is a way out. Please, don't give up. You are beautiful, you are loved. You are going to go on to be bigger and stronger than you could ever dream possible right now. I've walked that path, believe me when I say that depression is a liar. Find the true voices and never let go of them. Don't give up. You will one day be more.
posted by Journey Church at 12:03 p.m.
2 Comments:
I missed Church this Sunday,but I can completely relate to your description of depression. I started battling depression and extreme anxiety when I was 6 years old and listened to it's description of me for years. You are absolutely right about how debilitating it is and also that there is a way out, I'm on that way, I'm not completely healed but compared to a couple of years ago....lets just say there's no comparison:)
Thanks, Chris and Danielle for your thoughts. We can never overestimate the power of knowing we're not alone. It gives me great joy to see that Journey is committed to becoming a safe place to struggle and to grow.
Malcolm
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