THE JOURNEY TOWARDS EACH OTHER
Conflict. Hurt. Betrayal. Troy asked some difficult questions this last Sunday. What do we do when relationships are broken? How do we deal with the wounds and pains that we've been given by those we love? How do we deal with the wounds that we've dished out ourselves? The hard truth of the matter is that relationships between humans are messy, confusing, often painful affairs. That means that there are no easy answers or special formulas when it comes to healing the scars produced by fractured community.
So, as I sit in my living room pondering Troy's questions, I have to admit that I really have no idea. I know that I don't want to be a bitter person, I don't want to be forever dominated by the brokenness I feel inside. I want to trust my brothers and sisters, I want to love them recklessly, I want to forgive without a second thought. Christ calls us to lay our lives down for each other, just like he laid His own down for us. That is ultimate love. But it is the hardest thing in the world to do.
Maybe the first thing that we need to learn that it is not all about us. It's simple and profound and yet we are miserable failures at learning this truth. Each one of us lives with the unspoken belief that the world revolves around us. In his book "Blue Like Jazz", Donald Miller writes about the obsession with ourselves as being the root or of our failures in loving each other: "The most difficult lie I've ever had to contend with is this: Life is not a story about me...No rut in the mind is so deep as the one that says I am the world, the world belongs to me, all people are actors in my play." Later in the chapter, Miller continues with these words that were offered to him by a Bed and Breakfast operator: "If we are not willing to wake up in the morning and die to ourselves, perhaps we should ask ourselves weather or not we are really following Jesus." How can we expect to experience true community if we are all obsessed with our own lives, if we approach the world with the outlook that we are at the center? And waht if our neighbour is thinking the same thing? It will not work. The first step towards true love and unity comes in our admittance that life is not about me.
But what do you think? We need to work together to learn to love eachother. What ideas or experiences do you have that will help others to love more fully, forgive more easily, give more selflessly? Let us hear your thoughts.
Conflict. Hurt. Betrayal. Troy asked some difficult questions this last Sunday. What do we do when relationships are broken? How do we deal with the wounds and pains that we've been given by those we love? How do we deal with the wounds that we've dished out ourselves? The hard truth of the matter is that relationships between humans are messy, confusing, often painful affairs. That means that there are no easy answers or special formulas when it comes to healing the scars produced by fractured community.
So, as I sit in my living room pondering Troy's questions, I have to admit that I really have no idea. I know that I don't want to be a bitter person, I don't want to be forever dominated by the brokenness I feel inside. I want to trust my brothers and sisters, I want to love them recklessly, I want to forgive without a second thought. Christ calls us to lay our lives down for each other, just like he laid His own down for us. That is ultimate love. But it is the hardest thing in the world to do.
Maybe the first thing that we need to learn that it is not all about us. It's simple and profound and yet we are miserable failures at learning this truth. Each one of us lives with the unspoken belief that the world revolves around us. In his book "Blue Like Jazz", Donald Miller writes about the obsession with ourselves as being the root or of our failures in loving each other: "The most difficult lie I've ever had to contend with is this: Life is not a story about me...No rut in the mind is so deep as the one that says I am the world, the world belongs to me, all people are actors in my play." Later in the chapter, Miller continues with these words that were offered to him by a Bed and Breakfast operator: "If we are not willing to wake up in the morning and die to ourselves, perhaps we should ask ourselves weather or not we are really following Jesus." How can we expect to experience true community if we are all obsessed with our own lives, if we approach the world with the outlook that we are at the center? And waht if our neighbour is thinking the same thing? It will not work. The first step towards true love and unity comes in our admittance that life is not about me.
But what do you think? We need to work together to learn to love eachother. What ideas or experiences do you have that will help others to love more fully, forgive more easily, give more selflessly? Let us hear your thoughts.
posted by Journey Church at 12:07 p.m.
3 Comments:
I recently learned/realized that a very important part of dealing with conflict often involves The Apology Process. Through a Personal Growth Seminar that I attended I learned that there are four parts to the Apology Process:
Acknowledge
Apologize.
Make amends.
Recommit
First, you must acknowledge what it is that you are apologizing for. Secondly, apologize. Notice the period after the word apologize above. That’s because you simply say, “I apologize.” No more, no less. Anything you say after I apologize is basically an excuse. Plain and simple, “I apologize.” The next step is to make amends. Find out from the other person what it is that you could do to make things better. Sometimes, maybe it’s just a hug or going out for a coffee to talk about the other person’s feelings. Whatever it is, you must make amends before you can recommit. When you decide to recommit it doesn’t necessarily mean that you will never hurt this person again. It simply means that you value this person and are willing to do your best to not do what you apologized for in the first place.
Here’s an example of a recent apology process I used on my husband Wayne. He felt that I was nagging him about chores around the house and I thought otherwise. After some time to reflect, I understood that what I thought was gentle nudging really was nagging. Wayne, I acknowledge that I nagged you about your chores around the house. I apologize. Wayne, let’s go out for coffee and talk about how to sort this problem in our relationship out. I value our marriage and I will do my best to not nag you about getting your chores around the house done.
Annemarie Young ; )
Thanks Chris and Annemarie...
When I am tempted to "dig in" and take an unforgiving stance, I can't help but think about the huge pile of yuck that God has forgiven on my side of the ledger. This does two things for me: 1) It helps me move toward forgiveness and 2) It helps keep me from becoming prideful about what a forgiving person I am. My acts of forgiveness are "dime store" compared to the "million-dollar debt" God has forgiven for me.
Here's a question I have... How important is the recieving of forgiveness... what happens when you desire to extend forgiveness to someone who is not interested in recieving it?
You're right Chris, this is messy!
Troy Hodgson
Unfortunately Aisling and I missed this absolute fabulous Sunday sermon. But reading this blog gave me a good overview and really hit home with some friendships I am dealing with now.
Wow Troy, you really are more amazing than you thought.....a sermon that touched somebody who wasn't even there to hear it.....ahhh the Power. Be careful with that power!
Cheers!
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